I don’t know how to start this without sounding annoyed but I’ll start it anyway. I don’t know why someone would keep enduring so much battering, injuries and suffering just to stay married to a wolf in sheep clothing or just to enjoy a few favours or simply because of what society will say. Please and please, leave with your life, your kids (if you have any) and run, while it’s still there. And while you’re at it, report the case to authorities and to everybody who cares to listen so that you can have a peace of mind.
Domestic violence is the violent or aggressive behaviour within the home, typically involving the violent abuse of a spouse or partner and family members regardless of gender or sexuality. It is not peculiar to wife battery alone; it cuts across every form of aggressive behaviour within the home. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, psychological, financial or sexual.
Some of the common causes of domestic violence include infidelity, disagreement with partner, elongated periods of unemployment, financial issues, desperation when partner threatens to leave, anger escalation, humiliation stemming from problems at work or other perceived failures and jealousy and envy between partners.
As it seems the issue of domestic violence seems to be a global phenomenon. We live in a patriarchal society where our cultural and religious beliefs are most times in favour of men, it is not wont to see husbands believing in the ideology that men should admonish their wives when they do ‘something wrong’. There are several examples of cases of women who have endured constant physical and emotional abuse from their husbands simply because society has told them ‘it is in the hands of the woman to make sure her marriage works’ and that she should remain there for her kids. On what grounds are you guaranteed that you or your children wouldn’t lose your lives while waiting out the storm in that marriage.
There was a case of one Mrs Nzedebebe whose ear got cut off by her husband with pliers; another woman was almost blinded by her husband after she was beaten to a stupor. And there was this gory tale of a Tanzanian lady who was buried alive for 8 months by her boyfriend for rituals. The most recent reported case in Nigeria is that of Ronke Shonde who was supposedly beaten and left to die by her husband after she was accused of cheating; although Ronke’s case is still under police investigation. I do pray her case is taken seriously.
I am not saying there aren’t cases of men being abused by their female partners, in fact I know a friend who survived being stabbed by his wife just because she suspected him of infidelity, unlike the case of Mr Lowo Oyediran, who was unlucky when he faced the same feat. Lowo Oyediran was said to have died after his wife stabbed him in his sleep.
Graphics pics below...
Domestic violence is the violent or aggressive behaviour within the home, typically involving the violent abuse of a spouse or partner and family members regardless of gender or sexuality. It is not peculiar to wife battery alone; it cuts across every form of aggressive behaviour within the home. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, psychological, financial or sexual.
Some of the common causes of domestic violence include infidelity, disagreement with partner, elongated periods of unemployment, financial issues, desperation when partner threatens to leave, anger escalation, humiliation stemming from problems at work or other perceived failures and jealousy and envy between partners.
As it seems the issue of domestic violence seems to be a global phenomenon. We live in a patriarchal society where our cultural and religious beliefs are most times in favour of men, it is not wont to see husbands believing in the ideology that men should admonish their wives when they do ‘something wrong’. There are several examples of cases of women who have endured constant physical and emotional abuse from their husbands simply because society has told them ‘it is in the hands of the woman to make sure her marriage works’ and that she should remain there for her kids. On what grounds are you guaranteed that you or your children wouldn’t lose your lives while waiting out the storm in that marriage.
There was a case of one Mrs Nzedebebe whose ear got cut off by her husband with pliers; another woman was almost blinded by her husband after she was beaten to a stupor. And there was this gory tale of a Tanzanian lady who was buried alive for 8 months by her boyfriend for rituals. The most recent reported case in Nigeria is that of Ronke Shonde who was supposedly beaten and left to die by her husband after she was accused of cheating; although Ronke’s case is still under police investigation. I do pray her case is taken seriously.
I am not saying there aren’t cases of men being abused by their female partners, in fact I know a friend who survived being stabbed by his wife just because she suspected him of infidelity, unlike the case of Mr Lowo Oyediran, who was unlucky when he faced the same feat. Lowo Oyediran was said to have died after his wife stabbed him in his sleep.
Graphics pics below...
If you notice very clearly in almost all the cases I’ve mentioned, the major reason for this level of violence faced by the victims all boil down to infidelity or cheating. I know how hard it could be to deal with issues of infidelity from our partners, especially when we feel we’ve lost all hope in making that relationship work, but violence does not solve anything. Why turn yourself into a murderer and a convict, and spoil your chances at having a go at another lovely relationship with another person. Before you all start talking about how God is against divorce, how about trying to hit your head on the wall consistently and see how that hurts. Yeah right….tell me about it. Heaven helps those who help themselves.
A number of local NGOs such as Women's Rights Advancement Project (WRAPA) and Project Alert on Violence Against Women are working hand in hand with international bodies such as the CEDAW Committee, to monitor the implementation of the UN Convention on the Elimination of All Forms of Discrimination against Women (CEDAW) in line with UN Treaties on Domestic Violence.
Although Nigeria took a step further by passing the Violence Against Persons Prohibition Act Bill in 2015, the issue of domestic violence remains very difficult to deal with because of the stigma, fear and silence surrounding it and the fact that most of the victims feel they deserve whatever ill treatment they are receiving. According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, about 70% of domestic violence cases go unreported and due to the unavailability of adequate research and in-depth analysis on the issue.
One recent study conducted by DFID and British Council in 2012 titled Gender in Nigeria Report, contains some recent figures on aspects of domestic violence in the country. The study showed that domestic violence cuts across all socio-economic and cultural backgrounds and that young women between the ages of 15 and 24 were most likely to have experienced physical violence and are most likely to justify violence. Reasons victims quoted for being abused stemmed from infidelity, burning food, going out without permission, arguing with their spouse, refusal to have sexual intercourse and mismanagement of household funds.
Also research by the National Demographic and Health Survey in 2008 showed that women in the North East were more likely to say that wife beating was justified, while women in the South West were least likely to say that wife beating was justified. Women with no education were more likely to say that wife beating was justified. Rural men were more likely to say that wife beating on any of the above-mentioned grounds was justified. Men with a secondary education were less likely to justify wife beating than men with less education.
The research also showed that educated women were more likely to have experienced domestic violence. Also women who live in urban areas are more likely than their counterparts who live in rural areas to have experienced domestic violence. Women in the southern part of the country were also more likely to have experienced physical violence more than women in the northern part of the country.
I find quite disheartening that our government isn’t doing that much to alleviate the situation. Yea, yea, I get it, they are talking about it; it isn’t about talking alone, work the talk, put new sanctions in place, implement those sanctions and follow it up. Let’s not forget that we all are the government, STOP, JUST STOP IT! Do not justify why that woman, man or child has to be beaten, or why they deserve whatever ill treatment they’ve received. You, your sister, brother or child could be a victim tomorrow if we all do not do something about it today!
It is the duty of everyone to report suspected cases of domestic violence, ask the victims to seek for help and if he or she refuses, force them to, we don’t want another case of Ronke Shonde abeg! Follow up on reported cases and hold responsible officers to book. We all must understand that the earlier the better we start making concrete efforts towards solving this problem, our society isn’t going to be safe for us all.
Photo credit: Adalia.ng, lailasblog.com, vanguardngr.com
A number of local NGOs such as Women's Rights Advancement Project (WRAPA) and Project Alert on Violence Against Women are working hand in hand with international bodies such as the CEDAW Committee, to monitor the implementation of the UN Convention on the Elimination of All Forms of Discrimination against Women (CEDAW) in line with UN Treaties on Domestic Violence.
Although Nigeria took a step further by passing the Violence Against Persons Prohibition Act Bill in 2015, the issue of domestic violence remains very difficult to deal with because of the stigma, fear and silence surrounding it and the fact that most of the victims feel they deserve whatever ill treatment they are receiving. According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, about 70% of domestic violence cases go unreported and due to the unavailability of adequate research and in-depth analysis on the issue.
One recent study conducted by DFID and British Council in 2012 titled Gender in Nigeria Report, contains some recent figures on aspects of domestic violence in the country. The study showed that domestic violence cuts across all socio-economic and cultural backgrounds and that young women between the ages of 15 and 24 were most likely to have experienced physical violence and are most likely to justify violence. Reasons victims quoted for being abused stemmed from infidelity, burning food, going out without permission, arguing with their spouse, refusal to have sexual intercourse and mismanagement of household funds.
Also research by the National Demographic and Health Survey in 2008 showed that women in the North East were more likely to say that wife beating was justified, while women in the South West were least likely to say that wife beating was justified. Women with no education were more likely to say that wife beating was justified. Rural men were more likely to say that wife beating on any of the above-mentioned grounds was justified. Men with a secondary education were less likely to justify wife beating than men with less education.
The research also showed that educated women were more likely to have experienced domestic violence. Also women who live in urban areas are more likely than their counterparts who live in rural areas to have experienced domestic violence. Women in the southern part of the country were also more likely to have experienced physical violence more than women in the northern part of the country.
I find quite disheartening that our government isn’t doing that much to alleviate the situation. Yea, yea, I get it, they are talking about it; it isn’t about talking alone, work the talk, put new sanctions in place, implement those sanctions and follow it up. Let’s not forget that we all are the government, STOP, JUST STOP IT! Do not justify why that woman, man or child has to be beaten, or why they deserve whatever ill treatment they’ve received. You, your sister, brother or child could be a victim tomorrow if we all do not do something about it today!
It is the duty of everyone to report suspected cases of domestic violence, ask the victims to seek for help and if he or she refuses, force them to, we don’t want another case of Ronke Shonde abeg! Follow up on reported cases and hold responsible officers to book. We all must understand that the earlier the better we start making concrete efforts towards solving this problem, our society isn’t going to be safe for us all.
Photo credit: Adalia.ng, lailasblog.com, vanguardngr.com
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